What's in a name?
by Dark Angel Of Wind
Summary: my name is L Lawliet"...i just hope nobody ever hears that, although its probably already too late for that. for I am dead


**What's in a Name?**

**by Dark Angel of Wind**

**Disclaimers: I do not own death note**

**claimers: i do own the absurd notion of thinking before i go to sleep and even in day dreaming thinking the words "my name is ()"**

**#**

_"My name is L Lawliet"_

I wonder why I always do this.

There is no reasoning behind it. No logic. No nothing.

But here I sit, doing it again.

Ever since i was chosen to be the next L, before i would get my necessary amount of sleep to recharge my body and mind, i would think the words:

_"my name is L Lawliet"_

repeatedly the sentence goes on and on before i slip into REM sleep. even now as I'm at the verge of slumber the words go through my head.

It doesn't have to be slumber either, it happens on the rare occasion that i let my mind wander from my work.

Perhaps it is simply a subconscious reminder to myself that I am not simply a Letter. I **DO** have a name, if not well hidden and locked away. it would make the most sense.

I remember the first time i slept in the Wammy House, I talked in my sleep. i still do, and that is very dangerous for me. for the words i always use are

_"my name is L Lawliet"_

Near walked into my room to awaken me one night because of a bad dream. And although i thought that my thearpy sessions were helping with my sleep talking, Near heard my true name. He promised to never speak it or even think it, but the thought still worries me.

My name is a danger to all of those i care for. Watari, who is like a father to me. Near, Mello, and Matt, who (despite my attitudes towards them and their constant rivarly over this cursed title) i love as if they were my own children. and recently the Task Force, they are lastly becoming a second family to me. Lastly, my beloved Light.

He recently showed his feelsing for me and i was rejoyced to find that he felt the same. Do not missunderstand me, i still suspect him to be kira. and he could be very well 'messing with my head' as they put it. i do not care.

I do care however that he might discover my name. my Letter.

I fell asleep in his room (as we are chained i do not see how i could avoid this) and i know for a fact that my angel is a light sleeper from the videos i watched of his supervision.

and if he heard me talk in my sleep, i know what words i would have said, the same words that could spell my death, the same words that could leave the world in the hands of crime and death

_"my name is L Lawliet"_

I am a little scared actually.

despite my love for him, i have seen the red tint to his eyes when he is angry or frustrated. that red reminded me of blood lust, the eyes of my former friend and 'brother' Beyond Birthday.

i have no doubt that he is indeed Kira. I ignore this fact, i know this. I always have an excuses. We need more evidance. We need a confession. We need to see how he murders. We need to observe him. We need the murder weapon. I have a million of them, not all i have used either.

It rained yesterday, and i have this feeling of dread that i simply cannot shake. my mind wanders, i feel tired.

_"my name is L Lawliet"_

Ah, there is is again.

_"my name is L Lawliet"_

I wonder why it is...that i always hear these words, in my voice, and said slowly, as if it were my mantra, before every dreamless sleep, after my mind strays from its pre-destined path.

_"my name is L Lawliet"_

Huh, I'm hearing it quite a bit today. i wonder if that is part of this morbid feeling. I think i can hear bells...i hate the sound of bells. they frighten me. i don't like to be frightened. its illogical and makes my train of thought stop.

_"my name is L Lawliet"_

Matt, always the tactical genius. always playing those games though, those cannot be good for his already poor sight. a Tad neutral, but a good hearted person.

_"my name is L Lawliet"_

Mello, the compulsive one. He is a master of plans, if only his personal feelings and temper didn't get in the way. he was always a bit of a loose cannon, but that just made him more enjoyable to be around.

_"my name is L Lawliet"_

Near, simply brilliant, the thinker of the bunch. his albino skin and white pigmented hair would make it difficult for him to go out though, but his brilliant theories and strategies would make up for it. a tad withdrawn, i wish he was a bit more outgoing. he is more like me then i would like him to be.

_"my name is L Lawliet"_

And Light, my beloved Light. why do you hold me so close? why do you have that pained look on your face?

Oh...i see, you are in pain because you needed to kill me for you to continue being what you are.

That is why i am so tired. why my mind wanders so. i squeeze your hand, can you feel the tenderness? i give you a small smile, can you see my forgiveness?

My name is L Lawleit, i am not just a Letter i am a person.

And now i will go to sleep, for I am very tired.

**#**

**DA- i actually do the same thing, before i go to sleep i always think the words "my name is #" and i always foundi t interesting that i do so. so i decided to make it into a fanfic..it kinda made me sad to write this tho...poor L...SNIFF. please reivew.**


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